Cleansing Fast, 12 days and counting

       I am a life loving, craft beer drinking, pasta eating, socializing, dinner partying, out on the town every night kind of gal. I love life. I celebrate living though all of my senses. When home I am cooking up a storm trying new recipes and enjoying late night meals, freezing portions for friends and neighbors..My famous "New Jersey meat-a-balls and red gravy, Sicilian style, are auctioned off every year for a charity fundraiser at Inner Fire's Abundance Celebration. This year I did not offer them (fasting) and I got an email just today saying people are already asking about them, and could I make a dinner for four... 

     I am not the cleansing fast type; although I am no stranger to the ritual. As a young teen I did many experiments with vitamins and fasting; not for weight loss. I was thin. I was more interested in consciousness changing. One spring as an adult, in Aspen, a few friends and myself went on a 10- day fast that involved daily enemas, large intestine massage, and no food except for a thin broth. I remember vividly on the tenth day we were allowed to shred some zucchini and carrots into the broth, and it seemed like a rich full meal. We stood around salivating and more appreciative than ever for solid food. The 12th day we made Orange Roughy sandwiches with spicy aoila and lettuce on dark rye bread and headed to do the "Dead Man hike" in the Rockies. This sandwich is one of the most vivid food memories of my life. It was exquisite. 
     Each day during this fast after about day 6, we walked among fields of wild flowers with our shirts off in the spring sunshine sucking our lungs full of crystal clear mountain air. Everything is so vivid on a fast. These were glory days. My friend Jesse and I often talk about his wild time. I dropped 10 pounds in ten days off of my already thin body. I was preparing to introduce Bikram Yoga to the Aspen Club and to all of its athletic members including Chris Evert and Andy Mills. I wanted to look and feel my best!
    And what a ride this was; ten days of emotions, hunger of all kinds, crying...I remember calling my mother and telling her how much I loved her in tears. It was 1986.
     This same friend, also a hot yoga teacher now, all these years later, invited me to this new cleanse. It took about 2 months for me to agree to it. It is called the 10-Day Celebrity Cleansing Fast; a distain full name to me. The company is called Purium, a name I still can't pronounce which always makes me think of  Purina Dog Chow. David Sandoval its nutrition genius calls himself Nutritional Coach to the Stars...Eeek..embarrassing... But he knows his stuff. It makes sense! It works! Lives are being changed.

    Jesse and I giggled about the other fast and Jesse promised that this one was kinder and gentler and more healthy; rich with GMO-free nutrients that would sustain me through a work week and change the PH of my body. I bought the 10-day Celebrity Cleansing Fast, slightly embarrassed by the name, and I jumped on it within hours; no prep: Cold Turkey..
    Let me confess that I am slightly judgmental of people who are on a perpetual fast, or cleanse, or constantly juicing; or subjecting themselves to all kinds of austerities.. I do not feel dirty. I love my body when it is thin and when it plumps up.  I view an obsession with clean food, clean colons, clean blood...clean clean clean; somehow as self- punishing due to a deep shame or self loathing. My opinion only.. forgive me.
     Both my parents ate anything and everything of mediocre, and sometimes poor quality;  both heaping butter onto mashed potatoes, drinking coffee every single day several times a day, and frying eggs in bacon grease. They loved NJ hot dogs "all the way", and each happily lived to be 89. Neither got cancer, nor were obese, or suffered any kind of health problems until the very end. They were vital and enjoyed life immensely.

       Thinking I could not, and would not be able to resist my friends Carbs, Coffee, Wine, Sugar, Starchy fruits, Bread and late night binging;  I was reluctantly in, and I am still IN 12 days later!

        In your kit you get a green powder, amino pills, a digestion aid and colon cleanse. And you can eat up to 3 cups of food ( greens or certain fruits)  with lemon, cayenne, and coconut oil. It was the 1/2 avocado that saved me, covered in steamed spinach.
      Calm is how I feel; deeply rested. I definitely sleep better, sounder and more still. Usually my aching feet, plagued with Haoulix Syndrome wake me nightly and I have to actually hold them and massage them. Some days I can hardly walk. iMy feet have definitely lost the inflammation and I can practice yoga with much less pain.
   A part of me wants to continue and continue....and make a complete lifestyle change. I still mourn my old pals coffee and beer..., and can hardly utter the word "pasta," without a tear in my eye.

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No tomatoes for 10 days is a first for me, a bonified acidic food addict. There is a big ripe one in the fridge right now just waiting. She winks at me every time I open the door, showing off her plump curves. Tonight when I make the special prescribed "soup" since I am over the first 10 days,  I will slice her up and toss that baby right on in to the mix of fava beans, zucchini, chard, spinach, sweet potato, celery, onion and organic chicken breast. 
Have I changed and grown? 
IS my relationship ending with my lover linguine fini? 
What if I bite into the luscious flesh of a tomato and my converted taste buds recoil? Will this be our new song? 
"You've lost that lovin' feelin', ohhh that lovin feeling.....now it's gone gone gone..ohh ohhhh."

Oh attachment, mighty attachment, how I'd love to tame you; all of you!
Under the wraps of addiction and attachment there is a kingdom; a rich world of thought, contemplation, breath and rest ... and, grief, despair, loneliness, suffering, sadness, anger, resentment, fear, and insecurity as well. The absence of cooking, going..,  meeting over beer and chatter, stopping here and there to get food, shopping, boiling water, going to yoga ( no exercise on this,) and the myriad of mov ement and chasing after the next fix, give one Plenty more Time to be really Present to what is.

       Driving my habitual route home I'd hear a voice distinctly say, "Dar, just one beer would be OK."
       I ignored her and had my water with sour cherry syrup instead, and slept like a baby. 
       What will I do now that the cleanse is officially over? I don't want to have a pizza ...just yet.
 I do feel proud and accomplished,. It was not really that hard, and each day I feel better and better. I feel relief that the addictions, in their many forms; the habits that dull the pain of being human, are manageable. And I am much more Present.
This is the true gift. 

            Physically I'm less bloated, perhaps a few pounds fell off; don't have a scale, and my skin looks great.. Yet the most interesting aspect of fasting/cleansing is the emotional impact it has; the act of ceasing to robotic-ally do the same things each day.

 Losing the weights of habits, or at least seeing them clearly, is the true loss of weight!
I recommend it. 
It is a vacation. 
Purium..David Sandoval...thank you!
Let me know if you want more info.
I am going ot stop here and have a mid-day green drink.